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This summer, starting June 1st, I will be taking part in a six week e-course called Invincible Summer. It’s being run by Jess Morrow, whose site is also called Invincible Summer. Jess calls the course “an innovative, fun creative writing class that will transform the way you write, and help you connect with like-minded souls.”

I love to write. I have participated in NaNoWriMo for 5 years, winning 3 times. I was an English Major in college. I have worked in libraries for over 11 years, and spent one year working at a bookstore. I want to publish a book some day. But somewhere along the way, I lost my writing passion. I still love it as much as I used to, but I don’t do it nearly as much as I did when I was in high school and college. I love the craze of writing 50k in 30 days every November, but the rest of the year? I probably don’t even write 10k of creative words.

So when I heard about Jess’s course, I knew I had to sign up. Check out her free ebook Vocalize, available on her site, which has a taste of what she will offer in the course. If you like it, join me in the course. It starts in two weeks so there is still time to sign up.

Click here to visit Invincible Summer.

A friend of mine commented on major changes happening in her life in 2012. Leonie Dawson mentioned somewhere that perhaps 2012 is not the year the world ends, but that it’s the year the world shifts and changes in major ways. (Of course I can’t find where she said it, or I’d totally have a direct quote here.)

I have noticed big changes in my life too. I started working with a life coach last summer, so there have been a lot of internal changes for me. But I’ve started noticing and causing a lot of external changes as well.

  • Driving to work (about an hour each way) was a major cause of stress for me, so I started taking the train. Amazingly different, love it so much. I feel so free when I’m riding on the train, watching the big river that flows next to it.
  • I’m a lot more confident in who I am, what I look like, what I am capable of, and that has translated into applying for a new part time job (10 hours/week) to supplement a full-time job (35 hours/week). I aced my interview and was hired, and this is going to be a great experience to do something different but tangentially related to my full-time position. I can already feel the financial freedom headed my way, and I haven’t even started the new job yet!
  • I spend a lot less time in front of the computer when I’m home, which is good.
  • I recently decluttered my GMail account, spending about five days cutting it from 500 messages to under 10. Now it usually sits around 25, and if it gets close to 50 I spend time working on cutting it down again.
  • I’m meditating more, even if it’s just 3 or 4 minutes. I close my eyes and listen to all the sounds around me, trying to single out every little individual thing, every bird, every electrical hum. Allowing myself to do what feels right instead of feeling like a failure for missing a day, or for not going longer.
  • Last year I gave up the religion I was born and raised in because it no longer suited me, and I’ve found I’m COMPLETELY okay with saying “I don’t know” — I don’t know if I believe in a god or just a goddess. I don’t know what to call the spiritual beings around me (guides? angels? guardians? all the same to me). I don’t feel like I HAVE TO “know” everything about my spirituality, and that feels very freeing.

I think it all ties into the same idea: freedom. Freedom from stress. Freedom from the impossible quest for perfection. Freedom from ideas and thoughts that weigh me down and chain me up. I see a lot more birds lately, or at least I notice them more, and every time I do I smile. I feel like they are a message for me, and that they have something in common with me. A sign of freedom.

Taking this symbolism a step further, the other day I was going out for lunch with my friend/coworker, or maybe we were leaving to get on the train at the end of our work day, and I saw a butterfly trapped inside a revolving door. It couldn’t come inside or go outside. Butterflies are my totem animal, and I couldn’t follow my friend through the regular door. I felt like this butterfly was important, and it was important that I set it free. I got into the revolving door and carefully walked through, making sure the butterfly fluttered safely away before continuing outside myself. That IS me. I AM the butterfly. I was trapped, nowhere to go, until I allowed myself the freedom to go outside and fly away. I couldn’t wait for someone else, I had to help myself.

The Word of the Year I chose for 2012 is Hope, and I think in my case, embodying Hope has lead to feeling Freedom. So I guess Freedom is the Word of the Year that chose me for 2012. :)

I made this collage for a dear friend in February 2011, and so much has happened since then that it feels like it’s been much longer. There is a lot of personal meaning to this, which I’m not going to explain.

I started with blue Sharpie to color in the background. Then I added pictures and words, and a few jewels. I finished by adding a layer of glitter glue to the whole thing.

I meant to post this last year, but it got lost in the bottom of my e-mailbox and I finally got back to it. So much love went into this collage, and it was such a different experience for me to make something while thinking of someone else. I think that’s why I found it so easy to give this away, but usually the thought of giving away my art is impossible — what I create is so much ME that it’s like giving away a piece of myself. Maybe the secret to selling art that I create is to think about the person who will one day own the piece…

I bought some new art supplies Saturday night at my favorite craft store, A.C. Moore. There were lots of great sale and clearance prices, like a set of 12 chalk pastels (2 1/2 inches long) for just $2, and extra fine point Sharpies for 88¢ each. I also bought a mixed-media art journal, and used the chalk pastels to draw the picture above in the journal. Welcome to Spring!

I am not going to write about writers’ block. Many others have written about it far better than I care to even TRY to write about it. But let’s be honest, sometimes doing other things or taking time away from writing can be beneficial. I love taking the creative process slowly. I wouldn’t call it block, I would call it taking my time. I am not paid to be a writer (yet, perhaps?) so I am not on a deadline. I can take as long as I want to write my novel and edit it and then, someday, try to get it published.

Taking a break means that I am letting the ideas marinate in my subconsciousness. I may not even realize that my brain is still working on the novel until I have a “Eureka!” moment where suddenly something I had been struggling with — or all-out avoiding — becomes crystal clear. It’s a great feeling, and I have to write it down, or email myself, or make a voice note on my cell phone so that I’ll remember it later. Even after making a note, I think about it over and over and smile to myself at how brilliant I am and wonder in amazement that my brain was able to elucidate This Thing.

This morning a friend mentioned wanting to know how my book is coming, and I realized that since mentioning it to her a week ago I have not done any work on it. I decided that I will make progress today, even if it’s just a little bit. I reread the first few lines and remembered that there is a character mentioned there that needs to be added into the story, so I opened a new document and began writing a scene that introduces him. I can figure out where to place it in the novel later, perhaps letting the scene lead me to knowing where it belongs in the timeline.

Then I got sidetracked thinking about the different movements or “acts” in the main arc of the novel. Though I call my novel Cursed as a working title, that’s not descriptive of the entire thing. The first part should be called Blessed, because Cass is blessed years and years before the curse part comes in. But after the curse… what? Not that naming the acts is critical at this stage, but I still wanted to come up with a good name to call the third act, even if it’s temporary.

I started thinking about the plot and what happens at the end of the story. Redeemed? Saved? No, too preachy. Resolved? Executed? No, because Blessed and Cursed refer to Cass, and I definitely don’t want anyone to think SHE is getting executed! I went to one of my favorite websites – Thesaurus.com. I played around with some words and meanings until I landed on one that is perfect: Sanctified. The word itself goes well with Blessed and Cursed as far as the theme of the words themselves, and it’s also a great way to hint at the fact that Cass is going to somehow come out not just on top, but WAY on top of the world in a place of honor. And it gives me some ideas about things I can add or change in the ending I have sketched out so far.

So there it is. The novel’s final title may or may not be Cursed (it probably needs to change at some point, but I’m still using it as my working title). But the parts of the story have been named, and now I can start storyboarding and brainstorming again to see if I can/want to stretch the story into a trilogy, or keep it as just one book. There’s still a lot to be done, but I’m excited for every little bit of progress I can make.

(Note: I’m still using the tag TUR, even though I’ve abandoned my first working title The Ultimate Rewind, so that all the old posts about the story can be easily accessed.)

This is a list that I wrote two years ago with my 100 Things To Do in 2010. Let’s see how many of them I accomplished and how many I no longer want to do…

  1. Turn 28 Yes, I did this
  2. Pay off my credit cards No, still have that goal
  3. Celebrate my first anniversary Yes, though it wasn’t as wonderful as I had hoped because my husband had recently had surgery
  4. Help Mark find a new job He wasn’t able to work until 2011 due to his health issues
  5. Finish selecting photos for the wedding album We didn’t finish until 2011, but yes it’s done
  6. Spend less time on the computer Working on it
  7. Bake cookies once a month Haha, no but I should start this one up again
  8. Submit a novel for (maybe) publishing Still on my To Do list!
  9. Dance in the rain Probably yes, I love the rain
  10. Play on the swings Probably not, but I love doing that
  11. Cry my heart out In 2010? Many many times. :-(
  12. Jump for joy Yes
  13. Do something to feed my soul at least once a week Again, not sure it’s weekly but I do try to do this more often
  14. Read more Newbery winners Yes, I have read more but still have a long way to go until I’ve read every one.
  15. Submit 5 short stories to try to get published No, I don’t write short stories anymore like I used to. I don’t need to do this one.
  16. Laugh every day I sure try. Most days I do.
  17. Live my truth It took me until 2011 to really start working on this one. It’s still amazing when I have little victories with it, but I’m doing much better than I was before.
  18. Eat more veggies Still need to work on this one. Fruits too.
  19. Trust in God’s plan for my life I’ve made some changes in my life with this one, but overall I trust that yes, there is a plan.
  20. Read the Bible more often NO. No longer a desire at. all.
  21. Put my laundry away each time Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
  22. Declutter… a LOT! Thanks to bedbugs in summer 2011 we have thrown out a LOT of stuff. I still need to declutter a LOT more.
  23. Do cartwheels in the grass I haven’t done a cartwheel in a long time. Add that to the list next to swings.
  24. Spend less money on things I don’t really need Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
  25. Visit the graves of all of my grandparents Ooh, there’s a good one I forgot about!
  26. Floss my teeth more Um… still need to do that.
  27. Say NO when it mattersI am definitely getting good at this one
  28. Say no when it doesn’t matter so much Haha, this too
  29. Watch Flash Forward and Glee Flash Forward ended and we never finished watching, but we do still watch Glee
  30. Trust my intuition I’m learning to tune in more, yes
  31. Make love to my husband – this might seem like an obvious one but with his back problems, which have had him hospitalized and on disability, it’s actually something I feel NEEDS to be on this list :-( Yes, but probably not in 2010.
  32. Hug my family every chance I get OF COURSE.
  33. Call my Mom at least every other day Not quite, but pretty much.
  34. Learn to read Tarot without books It’s a slow process, not at the top of my list, but I do like practicing.
  35. Rewatch 10 seasons of Friends DVDs No matter how many times I do this, I can always leave it on the To Do list.
  36. Take more photos of me and Mark Always need to do this, still don’t
  37. Be present in my life Always a goal
  38. Step out of my comfort zone. Rinse and repeat. I’ve been doing this more and more lately.
  39. Find more guided meditations for my ipod Yes!
  40. Sell something I’ve created on etsy I don’t know if I will use etsy, but I still want to sell things I create
  41. Write in a gratitude journal at least 4 days a week… 7 is better! I did this for awhile but find it’s far more important to do when I am feeling low than to do it all the time
  42. Win NaNoWriMo again I did in 2010, but not in 2011 because I got Lyme disease again
  43. Try at least one new recipe every month Ooh, another forgotten gem I should try more!
  44. Use Self-Coaching 101 to reframe my negative thoughts I should revisit this, though I think I’ve pretty much got the hang of it.
  45. Blog posts at least 5 times a week That’s ambitious! No, but I would like to try at least one post a week.
  46. End the year with at least $5,000 in a personal savings account Still a goal
  47. Buy Where the Wild Things Are on DVD Got it for my birthday
  48. Read one nonfiction book for adults Not sure, maybe did this?
  49. Read one fiction books for adults Probably not
  50. Reread The Secret Garden — one of my favorites from childhood Yes! Love it!
  51. Read The Westing Game  Yes, and it was wonderful!
  52. Visit Howard and Ava in Boston Did not do this, probably won’t ever
  53. Take Mark to Elmira Still want to
  54. Take walks on the OHS track with Mark Haven’t done this, not sure we will
  55. Organize all of our DVDs REALLY need to do this
  56. Open the blinds in the bedroom every day Gotta start doing that too, at least when I’m home all day
  57. Take more photos (sell on etsy?) Gotta get back into that too
  58. Save more than I spend (paying off debt counts!) Erm, working on it?
  59. Create a logo. Include a butterfly of my own design Yes, need to do this for my biz (which currently is VERY early in the thought stages)
  60. Eat alone at a sit-down restaurant Yes, I did this!
  61. Get to know Marsha better – my mother-in-law Ugh, don’t wanna anymore
  62. Frame our ketubah Not done yet
  63. Hang the artwork bought on the honeymoon cruise Done! <3
  64. Sing karaoke at least once That’s on my list to do on the cruise we’re taking for my birthday
  65. Ace (99% or better) 4 songs on Band Hero, including American Pie I don’t know, he might have sold this back to GameStop
  66. See at least 2 movies in the theater Probably average about 2 or 3 a year
  67. Connect with my sister as adults Have done this some
  68. Discover the goddess in me DEFINITELY YES.
  69. Buy a new sundress.. or two Need to for the cruise
  70. Go to a rock concert I don’t know, maybe someday
  71. See Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel Yes, on DVD
  72. Design a tattoo… and maybe get it Still have to think about it. Perhaps my logo if my biz gets started and does well.
  73. Look for rainbows every time in rains Definitely!
  74. Invent another holiday On my list for this year, didn’t last time
  75. Make every Christmas gift I give this year Didn’t but it’s still a great idea
  76. Find more ways to bring my wisdom to others Yes, by being a Circle Guide and helping facilitate the courses there.
  77. Cultivate friendships via blogging Not really but I might when I start blogging more
  78. Try to write a song, even if it’s terrible On my list again this year, didn’t do it last time
  79. Draw. Draw people. And not stick people. No. I think I’m okay with photographing people and not drawing them.
  80. Stop being afraid of imperfection! Embrace it! YES! I am sure this will always be a struggle, but I’m getting better at it.
  81. Keep having a sunny disposition. Mostly, yes.
  82. Smile at strangers. Sometimes.
  83. Be more patient with people. *including myself* Sometimes, lol.
  84. Buy a bathing suit that looks good on me. Wear it to go swimming. — the second sentence might be the most important!!! Have to for my cruise this year, it’s a goal.
  85. Continue seeking good valid self-help techniques on blogs. Post about them w/links. Hopefully will get back to this as I get back to posting.
  86. Meet friends at the top of the Empire State Building – the day and time is almost here! Totally fell through… but we made the plans when we were 13, so it’s okay.
    Remind my friends and family why I love them. — yes. there is a bonus on the list, two #86′s!!! Can never do this enough.
  87. Be a rockstar every time I’m in the car alone. ALWAYS! So fun!
  88. Tell myself in the mirror, “I’m beautiful” and truly mean it. I’ve finally gotten to that point more and more lately.
  89. Don’t be afraid to DREAM BIG. I’m dreaming big, now to start planning how to make the dreams a reality.
  90. Believe in fairy tales. Always. Sometimes they take a while or come in hidden forms.
  91. Don’t ask why – ask why NOT! That’s a good one. Remind me this.
  92. Write poems more often than “almost never” Eh. I think it’s more important to write poetry because I want to and not because I feel I should.
  93. Bake cupcakes for no apparent reason Need to do that more.
  94. Practice random acts of kindness I try to
  95. Listen to upbeat music. Dance to it. Yes
  96. Dance to background music in stores, offices, etc. A little, but not enough. lol
  97. Do at least one new thing that will look good on my resume. Good one!
  98. Walk every aisle like it’s a catwalk. (Pretend I’m tall enough and young enough to be DISCOVERED!) Frequently.
  99. Party like it’s 2000 at my 10 year high school reunion! It was cancelled… and I’m totally okay with that.
  100. Complete projects… like I completed this list! Always working on it.

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I LOVE THIS!!! A cream colored rose with pink edges, and three days after Valentine’s Day it’s even more beautiful than the bud it was when I bought it for myself.

Yes, that’s right. I didn’t get anything from my husband because he’s been dealing with pain issues and he went into the hospital on Tuesday, so on the way home from there I stopped by the grocery store and bought myself a rose.

(Ladies, even when you HAVE a man, it’s okay to not always NEED a man.)

I love this photo, did I already mention that? Because I do. I feel like this is a rose to write poetry about. And to write music and sing about. And to dance about in the moonlight under the stars. It isn’t just a spur of the moment, impulse buy.

It’s a symbol of all the work I’ve been doing in the past 8 months with my life coach, learning to love and respect and honor myself more fully.

It’s a symbol of the work I will continue to do with her, doing things I need to do in order to fulfill my dreams.

Where I’ve journeyed and where I will go in the future.

Saying yes to me because I want to, not saying no because I worry what others will think.

No, this is no ordinary rose. This is a magic rose. A rose that…. needs glitter glue on it! Ooh, that might be really pretty!!!

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